


The Dark Souls of Getting to Third Base

by DroppedAllTheseOreos



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Gen, M/M, Mating Rituals, Minimal editing, Not Ship focused, Post-Canon, team as dysfunctional family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28523811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DroppedAllTheseOreos/pseuds/DroppedAllTheseOreos
Summary: Graphite's been acting weird all of a sudden, he's challenging everyone to fights like it's the old days of the Bugster Outbreak again, and he's even picking fights with the other bugsters. Emu gathers everyone together so they can get to the bottom of this mystery before anyone gets hurt.a.k.a. sometimes you treat your friends as a boss rush to show off how cool you are to your boyfriend.
Relationships: Graphite/Kujou Kiriya, Houjou Emu & Parad (Kamen Rider Ex-Aid)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	The Dark Souls of Getting to Third Base

**Author's Note:**

> This thing has been in drafts for more than 2 years and I’m still not totally happy with it, but very happy that its done XD
> 
> This is an AU that branches off from True Ending basically. When Kiriya and Taiga go to fight Gamedeus Maxima instead of Hiiro saving them last minute all of the bugsters pop out like how Kuroto and Parad were thrown up and help them fight until the rest of the Kamen Riders show up for the real final battle. I don't think that's super relevant here, but I just really like this alternate take on True Ending and wanted to talk about it haha.
> 
> Also everyone not tagged as a romantic ship in here open to interpretation. That's something that goes into all my fics, unless i forgot to tag or just thought it was too subtle to be tagged, but it felt like something to point out here? So, if you see an interaction between characters in here and go "that's my ship!" or "that's my fave friendship!" then hell yeah it's absolutely that relationship

Emu didn’t expect things to settle down after they defeated Masamune. Sure, there was lots to do, but none of it ended up being as life-threatening as their previous work, thankfully. As confident as he felt that they would definitely succeed during the final fight, Emu was finding that in hindsight, they were all lucky to still be alive. Sometimes he caught himself in a doom spiral, wondering what would’ve happened if they hadn’t won—

Well, he should put it all behind him. Even if it wasn’t dangerous, the aftermath of the Bugster Crisis introduced a whole new set of tasks that required his full focus. And yet... Here he was, alone in the elevator with the doors opening up to an empty CR because he was feeling nostalgic today.

Things had gotten so quiet around here. Hiiro kept doing surgery but training the interns had become a permanent slot in his schedule. Director Kagami happily returned to his main job, only dealing with bugster cases when the Ministry needed him. And everyone at the newly reopened clinic was doing well. Taiga and Nico still made a great team, even with him finding his feet again, and her bouncing between her responsibilities there, med school, and Genm easily. Kuroto lived at the Ministry of Health now, working away at games in the tablet provided for him, while they researched better bugster containment methods. Parad decided to dip his toes into pro gaming as himself, being one of the few people on-call to fight any new bugster outbreaks. And Poppy was taking a well-deserved break after all the set up the two of them did to get Bugster Carnival up and running.

And when he wasn’t wandering aimlessly through the halls under the hospital with a fond little grin on his face, Emu was focusing on his actual job for once. As tiring as it was, he loved it, especially now that he didn’t have to worry about Kamen Rider stuff getting in the way as much.

He ran his hand along the wall as he wandered towards the stairwell, and the nostalgia was suddenly replaced with a chill down his spine. Usually, there were faint echoes of chatter or laughter from the meeting room above, letting him feel like he was still part of the group when he wandered down here to take a breather from the overwhelming noise and energy the CR crew could be sometimes. With an uncomfortable ringing in his ears, he decided now was a good time to head up to the meeting room. Getting himself some more interesting things to look at than the samey off-white walls and lines of dark blue paint could help with the feeling. Not much else to do down here anyway.

Emu sped up his last few steps, almost at a power walk as he started going up the spiral staircase. The sounds of his sneakers pounding against the steps and the familiar climb started to ease away the tension from earlier, and he felt his smile return. As Emu reached the top of the steps, he noticed that the main room seemed as uninhabited as the lower floor. He glanced to Poppy’s cabinet, empty for now, and wondered if she appreciated the peace and quiet, or if she got lonely since everyone stopped visiting as much. Maybe a little of both? He decided to ask if he should visit more often when a rustling sound caught his attention.

Well, looked like CR wasn’t entirely uninhabited, based on the tangled mess of eye-searing fabric on the couch. As much as things settled into a new normal, there was always something bizarre popping up to balance it out. Kiriya and Graphite dating was one of those bizarre things.

Emu had no idea how they got together or that they even knew each other personally at any point in time. But it would remain one of life’s many mysteries because they refused to talk about how they got together. Or, well, Kiriya talked about “how they met” often, but the stories were always outlandish and changed every time. 

“Oh, ace!” Kiriya noticed, struggling a bit to raise his arm and wave since Graphite tightened his grip on the other man in response. He chuckled and kissed Graphite’s forehead, “C’mon Graph, lemme say hi at least.” The dragon bugster grumbled against him sleepily and doubled down, sliding over so he was pinning Kiriya to the couch. Kiriya rolled his eyes and looked to Emu again. “If you’re not too busy, and _someone_ moves, I actually had some papers I wanted you to look over. I’m going to be meeting with some people with Genm about the vaccines and I want to make sure they’ll be able to comprehend it.”

“Wow, _thanks,_ Kiriya-san. So that’s what you think of my intelligence, huh?” Emu crossed his arms and pouted playfully.

Kiriya laughed, “I don’t know what you’re all offended for,” he said, meeting Emu’s pout with a smirk, “I’m just saying that these are video game people, and you know video game people. I’ve already run the paper by my other quality assurance proofreaders anyway.”

“And who are those?”

“Parad and Graph.”

Emu finally laughed, “Of course. Well, I have some time, so let’s see it.”

“Yeah, just gimme a—” Kiriya squirmed, trying to get out from under Graphite, who stubbornly cuddled into him, “Graaaaph…” Kiriya whined, “Hey,” he leaned in and pressed close to Graphite’s ear, using his free hand to cup around it to further obscure whatever he was whispering to the other bugster.

When Kiriya finished, Graphite pulled away to glare at him tiredly, jaw shifting a bit, then shook his head. Kiriya pouted but, to his and Emu’s surprise, Graphite rolled over a bit to let Kiriya up. Strange... but Emu wasn’t really in any position to judge, he thought their whole dating situation was strange. Kiriya maneuvered his way over Graphite, and when he jumped off the couch, bare feet slapping against the tile, it suddenly struck Emu that he could’ve just teleported out of Graphite’s arms.

Well, not much more time to think about it, since Kiriya was giving him a little two-fingered wave and heading down the staircase with a little hop in his step.

Now it was just Emu and the dragon.

Graphite eyed Emu warily and got to his feet gracefully, walking towards Emu with intent. The sudden shift from sleepy and limp to dangerous and elegant had Emu freezing on the spot. He felt like he’d been marked as prey, like if he held still enough, maybe Graphite would think he wasn’t worth it and go back to sleep.

With a few more brisk steps, Graphite was up in his space and sneering at him.

Well, there went that idea. Hell hath no fury like a dragon that just had a rude awakening, he guessed.

Emu found himself instinctively reaching for his Gamer Driver like he was just starting out and staring down the monster that might kill his hero. But he didn’t even feel the anger he had back then, in this moment his body was filled with pure terror and uncertainty.

”Ex-Aid, duel me,” Graphite snarled and Emu blinked confusedly.

Graphite hasn't called him ”Ex-Aid” for a while now and he thought they were past this part of their relationship that Graphite was cool with him. Graphite didn’t seem to think so when Emu told him as much, his lips pulling back a fraction further to reveal even more of those fangs, tightly clenched together.

“Okay, seriously, Graphite.” Emu swallowed nervously, trying to give himself some seconds to choose his words, “If there was something I did, I’m sorry. But I’m sure we can talk it out together, so if you want to just sit back down...”

Graphite didn’t seem interested in that, but his eyes did flicker back towards the stairwell before returning to glare at Emu. He just slowly raised his hands in surrender, not wanting to look back at the stairs. He got the feeling if he broke eye contact, that would be offensive to the dragon somehow and start a fight when he absolutely didn’t want one. Just as Emu was trying to figure out how fast both of them could run while factoring in his clumsiness potentially slowing him down, Kiriya thankfully returned.

“So, it’s just a seven-page, uh, pamphlet I guess? Eh, well, let’s call it what it is and say high school science repor— Graph!”

The other bugster’s attention snapped to Kiriya who looked at him disappointedly for a moment, then sighed, “I thought we talked about this. Hiiro and Taiga made sense, but Emu? Really? Is everything okay?”

Graphite glared back at him but seemed cowed when Kiriya continued to glare back.

“ ‘S nothing,” He mumbled, then went back to curl up on the couch dejectedly, still glaring at Emu from time to time.

Kiriya’s brow furrowed as he watched him go, looking for a few more minutes until he turned back to Emu and sighed again, offering up the papers to him. Emu noticed that they were held together by one of Poppy’s binder clips that she drew little music notes on in sharpie. He’d have to leave a sticky note on the front page as a reminder to return it to her since Kiriya tended to lose things in the shuffle. Emu paged through the report quickly, checking Kiriya’s formatting for short, varied paragraphs that would probably keep his intended readers interested, then flipped it closed, nodding as he met the other doctor’s gaze again.

His heart squeezed at Kiriya’s slightly sad expression and tried to smile at him. Although Emu was tempted to say something, he bit down on his tongue as hard as he could. They both seemed upset about whatever was going on, and trying to ask Kiriya about it would probably worsen the situation. It would definitely be awkward at least.

“I’ll be sure to look it over when I can, Kiriya-san” He smiled encouragingly.

Kiriya cleared his throat and smiled back, patting Emu on the shoulder, “I’m counting on you, then.” Then he headed back to the couch.

Graphite stayed on his half for a while but tried curling up on Kiriya as the doctor got his laptop out. “Hey, sorry Graph, I just remembered some stuff I have to work on while I was down there.” The bugster huffed against his shoulder, but settled against it, fully slumping into Kiriya’s side and forcing them both against the arm of the couch. Kiriya shook his head then pressed a kiss to the top of Graphite’s head.

Emu took that as his cue to leave, especially when Graphite started glaring at him like he was intruding on something. He almost tripped down the stairs when his feet caught against each other in his haste to get out, but thankfully he caught himself on the railings. He almost walked out, but stayed a few steps away from the bottom of the stairs, pressing his back to the wall and listening for any strands of conversation he could pick up on.

“So, seriously, what’s up with you lately?” He could faintly hear Kiriya’s voice, but Graphite didn’t seem keen on answering.

The silence that followed was only filled with Kiriya clicking around and typing on his computer. Eventually, there was a noise that vaguely sounded like Graphite’s voice, but even with Emu straining to hear, it was too soft to make out. There was an answering, exasperated sigh of, “I know, buddy, but...” Another pause for whatever Graphite wanted to say, then... “Okay. I love you, too.”

And Emu took that as his cue to leave for real this time, as silently as he could.

* * *

"Hey Hiiro, has Graphite been acting... strange, towards you?" Emu carefully asked a few days later. He was still feeling rattled from that day, and since Kiriya mentioned Hiiro and Taiga’s names, he figured that was a good place to start getting answers.

"You'll have to be more specific than that," He said, "Graphite's a bugster, everything they do comes off as strange to me."

Emu's face scrunched up in concentration. He didn't want to say that Graphite threatened him exactly, but that was what happened. "Well, has he said anything, uh... kinda, like how he used to talk to us? Challenging you to fights and only using your Rider tag?"

Hiiro suddenly paused, and Emu stumbled over his feet trying to stop in time, knocking into Hiiro’s back and shoving him forward so they flanked the Bugster Carnival cabinet when they finally caught their footing.

"Was Kujo in the room when he did that?" Hiiro asked in the clipped tone that Emu had come to recognize as loose pieces of information starting to slot together in his head. 

"Um yeah," Emu said slowly, wondering what he was thinking, "They were on the couch in CR together before I walked in—"

A sudden flash of gold and blue raced past Emu's vision and he turned to see Motorz, groaning in pain on the floor. Before he could ask if the bugster was alright, Revol and Kaiden came flying out of the cabinet as well, landing on top of Motorz in a heap.

"What?" Emu was about to rush over and help them, but Hiiro grabbed his shoulder, directing his attention to the cabinet where they saw Graphite in his monster form, disappearing behind one of the tents.

A stunned silence followed, and Hiiro finally released Emu's shoulder. "Hojo... This is serious."

Emu nodded, still staring at the screen, "We should call everyone together for a meeting."

* * *

It was a bit of a struggle to get everyone together without letting Graphite know something was up, especially when they were meeting in CR and the Carnival cabinet was _right there._ But they somehow managed it mostly through text and getting Kiriya to send Graphite out on a shopping trip for him that would probably take a while, given one of the stops was a shop owned by one of Kiriya’s aunties. Kiriya assured them she always took a long time to sit Graphite down and catch up with him, even if there wasn’t much going on with him nowadays, and Emu found himself impressed that Graphite was actually managing to branch out and make friends with humans that weren’t involved with the Bugster Crisis.

But, despite a few delays and trying to wrangle the more rowdy bugsters to sit down quietly, everyone was together.

“So, maybe you’re wondering why I called you here, but I think you might be aware of what we’re going to talk about since Graphite’s missing.” Emu started, standing to address everyone because they ran out of chairs with everyone squished around the table. “I don’t know how long it’s been going on, but I’ve recently been made aware that he’s been going out and attacking everyone.”

“It wasn’t some _dishonorable, unprompted,_ attack like you seem to be implying,” Kaiden spat. “He challenged me fairly.”

Motorz shrugged, “I mean it was kind of an unprompted attack on me and Revol,” He gestured across the table at the other bugster to get his support.

“Indeed. We were mere bystanders caught in the crossfire of that battle.” He nodded, crossing his arms, partially to look upset, and partially because he didn’t have much else to do in the way of gestures, crushed between Vernier and Gatton.

Emu sighed, “Okay, Graphite’s been _challenging_ almost everyone here. Since I think those who have been challenged or threatened are in the majority, I just want a show of hands of those who haven't been in the past few weeks.”

There was an awkward pause as no one raised his hands, and Emu’s brows flew up, even _Kiriya—_

Oh. Never mind, everything checked out. The medical examiner’s hand reluctantly went up and all eyes in the room slowly turned to him. Nico rolled her eyes and grabbed him by the wrist, slamming his hand on the table, “Oh put your hand down, of course he wouldn’t, you’re dating.”

He reached over with his other hand to ruffle her hair and she squeaked, sneering like she was about to say something snappy back when the Director cleared his throat nervously.

“Um...”

“Yes Director?” Emu said encouragingly, nodding at him to continue.

Haima’s eyes darted to the bugsters around him until his eyes landed back on Emu, making eye contact like his life depended on it. “Er, yes, after Graphite challenged me and I declined, he asked who the boss after me was and I told him about Secretary Hinata—” His voice cracked on Kyoutaro-sensei’s name, “The day after the Secretary called me saying he got a direct challenge to fight as well.”

Emu’s jaw dropped open and he turned back to Kiriya. The shock quickly faded into exasperation when he saw how hard Kiriya was holding himself back from laughing. He swallowed with some difficulty when he caught Emu’s expression and was looking mostly serious when he finally faced him.

Emu’s lips pursed into a pout, “Kiriya-san, I don’t really want to air out dirty laundry like this, but if it’ll help us figure this out, I want to know what’s going on between you two.”

Kiriya sighed heavily, shaking his head. He opened his mouth to say something before letting it close again, directing his gaze back down to the table. “I honestly don’t know. He’s been distant lately and he refuses to talk about what’s bothering him.” His brow furrowed as he went quiet, jaw shifting in that frustrated way Emu had only seen towards Kuroto before. Kiriya blinked a few times and his expression softened, “Um, he’s been bringing me back little gashapon toys whenever he goes out lately. That’s the only change in our routine that I can think of right now.”

Everyone still stared at him, not satisfied with that answer by a long shot. Emu wasn’t either, but he wished he could get some of the attention off Kiriya since he was looking more and more uncomfortable by the second.

Thankfully, his phone went off before any of the dumb things Emu thought to say to get everyone’s attention slipped from his mouth.

“Speaking of, he’s done, so I’ll have him come back to my place for tonight. Give you all some more time to talk, ‘kay?”

There were varied murmurs and hums of agreement from the whole group, and he waved briefly, “Good night, everyone.”

And then he was off, teleporting to who knew where, but Emu knew he only did that if he absolutely needed to.

“Alright, so, let’s continue?” Emu asked the group, and they all turned their attention back to each other, trying to figure out some answers and comparing notes.

* * *

About an hour later found every single one of them frustrated and no closer to figuring out what was up with Graphite, and the Director had left hours ago, already exhausted. Everyone else was going strong, though.

“Maybe they’re breaking up?”

“Then why would he be wasting time giving Kiriya gashapons, dummy?”

“They’re to soften the blow _obviously.”_

“How is that obvious?”

As everyone continued to bicker and theorize around the table, Emu leaned over in his chair and muttered to Taiga, “Maybe we should just call it quits.”

They’d moved away from the group for some peace, Emu finally sitting in a chair he appropriated when it rolled away and slammed into the couch from Kaiden standing up suddenly in an outburst against one of Hiiro’s theories. And Taiga tired of the shoving, he got enough from Nico, and followed Emu a few minutes later, slowly laying down on the couch and groaning appreciatively as he stretched out. He was a bit too tall for it but didn’t seem to mind, even if his legs couldn’t fit so the backs of his knees had to rest on the arm.

“Yeah, I don’t think the council of idiots is going to ever crack this case and I’d like to head out now if they’re gonna continue like this.”

Emu nodded, then stood up tiredly and clapped, “Hey!” He yelled with all the strength he could muster, “Let’s wrap this up. We’re not going to figure it out tonight.”

There were soft grumbles and murmurs as the group started dispersing, but Poppy suddenly hopped up on the table.

“Wait! I know we’re missing four, but it’s been a while since we’ve all been together like this, right? Why don’t we have a little pipopapo-ponding time?”

The bugsters and humans all looked at each other warily.

“Um, Poppy...” Salty said reluctantly, “We’ve never been all together like this because everyone’s still salty at each other.”

She knelt down to look Salty right in the eye and tap the brim of his hat, “Well, that just makes it the perfect time to start! We don’t have to do anything fancy, just something to get a little more used to each other! We don’t even have to talk all that much, like, um... Netflix and Chill?”

Emu slapped his hand to his forehead as Nico caught his eye with a smug, mischievous grin and Parad cackled.

“Not exactly,” Emu sighed, then headed towards the TV, “But watching something together might be nice to calm down.”

“Yay!” Poppy hopped off the table and practically skipped over to help him set everything up.

Surprisingly, they were able to get everyone settled down easily compared to all the fights that broke out before. Emu didn’t let himself relax, though, because they still had to pick something to watch, and he couldn’t imagine that going well. He squirmed where he was on the couch, squeezed in from all directions, then held up the remote nervously.

“So, what does everyone want to watch?” He asked as he started scrolling through the options.

He felt Parad tense up next to him as everyone said something at once and the room turned into chaos again. The remote got knocked out of Emu’s hand at some point, and he tried his hardest to stay in his seat on the couch in the sudden fight. He would’ve pressed up against Parad or Nico on either side of him just for some stability, but they got lost in the motion of everything, too. It took everything in him to resist his instincts to break up the fight. Doing that all the time with just four other Kamen Riders already wore him out, so he wasn’t about to try here and now.

A soft, soothing voice brought him out of the chaos of everything and he redirected his attention to the tv, playing sweeping orchestral music while someone narrated about nature. As the others started to take notice, things quieted down, and Emu wondered who selected something. He looked around until his eyes landed on Gatton, crouched on the floor near the TV, staring up at the screen avidly while the remote sat next to one of their feet, a finger still gently resting on the select button in the middle of the directional pad.

Most of the bugsters didn’t look too pleased with the choice, but they didn’t look ready or willing to wrestle the controls away from Gatton either.

“I guess it’s fine,” Motorz grumped as he sat back down on the floor next to Charlie.

There were some murmurs of agreement and finally the room settled again.

“Yeah, fine if we all wanna sleep before 10,” Nico sighed but took up her spot squished between Emu and Vernier again. "Guess it'll be a sleep over."

As they continued to watch, Nico’s attitude towards nature documentaries completely turned around. The show seemed to be about life on islands, and while it started out slow, it quickly moved into high-stress situations of how these animals had to fight for their lives every day. The whole room broke out into hollering and cheering at a little iguana escaping a whole horde of snakes, and Emu even let himself sigh in relief when the little reptile got away safely.

Even though there was a lot of talking over the documentary from everyone, it felt nice to have them all really come together ever since they all fought Gamedeus. It seemed like smooth sailing until they hit the Komodo dragon section.

“Only the strongest dragons are allowed to mate, and during mating season, they fight any potential challengers to prove their worth...” As the narrator continued on in their soothing tone, Emu could feel the way the room collectively tuned it out and went dead silent.

After what felt like an eternity of the realization dawning on them, Hiiro was the one to break the silence by clearing his throat uncomfortably. That seemed to snap the rest of them out of their daze, and whatever heavy, uncomfortable energy still hanging over them dispersed.

“Well, _clearly,_ that’s just about some IRL animals,” Parad caught Emu’s eye and grinned at him, “There’s no way the same thing happens in Drago Knight. That would mean Kuroto actually programmed, --- into the game.” Parad’s words cut off into a series of warning beeps to block out whatever word for sex he chose, and Alhambra and Hatena exchanged a Look.

“...What?” Parad said, the word slipping out more instinctively than being an actual question.

The two bugsters cringed, realizing they were caught. With raised shoulders, they silently decided who should speak between the two of them. Charlie impatiently shoved at both of them with his leg, kicking hard enough to get Hatena to flinch.

“We’re both from series that have crossover games with Graphite’s and...” He squirmed in place, hands reaching out fruitlessly for the right words.

“Dragon eggs from Graphite’s species happen to be items of particular note in each of our games.” Alhambra continued for him, “We know not of the actual rituals, but there is indeed knowledge of intercourse of some nature programmed into Graphite’s being.”

“Did you have to describe it like that, though?” Taiga grimaced and Nico rolled her eyes.

 _“Yes,_ of course he has to say things like that, Taiga. You can’t just make fun of the way people talk!” She said it with such conviction Emu could almost believe she really meant it, but in the dark of the room, he could recognize the hint of that smile she got whenever she gave Taiga a hard time and shook his head.

“Well, it must be Graphite’s way of ‘impressing’ Kujo, since he only attempts to start a fight if the medical examiner’s close by.” Hiiro said, “And you all say _I_ have trouble expressing myself.”

“I mean, you still do.” Nico snorted, making Hiiro glare at her, but with no real heat behind it.

“Hey, I will say, basically making a boss rush of all your friends before --- is pretty impressive, is it not? It’s like the Dark Souls of ---” Parad wiggled his eyebrows at Emu while the string of beeps played out again, and the doctor just looked away, shaking his head.

“Okay, okay, okay, back up, though.” Motorz waved his hands to draw attention, “Him trying to start something whenever Kiriya’s in the room suddenly makes sense, now.”

Emu heaved an exasperated sigh, “Yes, Motorz we already figured that out— Wait, Kiriya-san was in Bugster Carnival with you that time?” Emu asked.

Motorz nodded and Revol jumped in to continue, “He was doing a routine check on us, but got distracted chit-chatting with Burgermon while Graphite fought Kaiden.”

Burgermon shrank back a little, “Why are you saying that like it’s my fault?”

Revol seemed to realize how sharp his tone got and sighed, reaching a hand out to stiffly pat Burgermon on the shoulder, and the burger bugster’s smile lit up at the silent apology.

“So, does this basically mean that Graphite and Kiriya haven’t done it, yet?”

Everyone grimaced at Poppy, not really wanting to think of that at all.

“What?” She whined at all of them. “I’m just saying so we can get all the facts out there and figure out what to do about Graphite attacking everyone!”

Emu looked away, trying to distract himself with the documentary again, then noticed Vernier and Gatton still sitting pressed together, seemingly enraptured with whatever was going on with the show. At least some people were getting out of this unscathed.

“Do we _have_ to do something about it, though?” Charlie whined, “It sounds like a _them_ problem.”

“I mean, you don’t have to do anything about it specifically, but some of us actually are concerned by it,” Emu tried to explain gently, “And we’re all affected by it, so we have to do something, since it doesn’t seem like they’re going to be talking it out anytime soon.”

Kaiden clapped a firm hand on the sport bugster’s shoulder, “Even if you don’t want to help, you still wish for Graphite’s happiness like the rest of us, do you not?”

Charlie rolled his head in lieu of rolling his eyes, “Now that I know his happiness involves boinking that loser, I don’t.”

Kaiden hung his head as he sighed and Poppy pouted.

“Okay, everyone _besides_ Charlie, let’s come up with something. Wasn’t bonding time a great idea? I feel closer with you all, already!”

Emu tried his best to smile and nod encouragingly at her to distract from the way everyone was eyeing each other irritatedly.

* * *

The plan they ended up going with was relatively simple: a few people going to Kuroto’s cell in the Ministry of Health to ask him for any advice he might have on the situation, he did program Graphite, after all, maybe he knew something. Meanwhile, they’d have someone to get a direct answer from Kiriya if he and Graphite had “done it” yet. Emu wanted to be the one to approach Kiriya when they were deciding, but now that it was the next day and he had almost a full night’s rest worth of clarity, he realized they made the right choice in Nico.

She might not have tact like they wanted for the job, but she would definitely be the best to get a direct answer, and quickly before anything became awkward. Plus, Emu had good standing with the Ministry being close to Kyoutaro-sensei and all, so it might be for the best that he was leading the group going in to talk to Kuroto.

When they arrived at the Ministry, Emu gave an awkward apology to Kyoutaro-sensei for Graphite’s behavior. Fortunately, it was easily accepted and the tension laughed off as he patted Emu on the shoulder, remarking how things must always be interesting at CR. Emu nodded sheepishly, shoulders drawing up, wanting to apologize again or do something to make up for it, but Taiga was clearing his throat impatiently, so Emu let it go for now and let himself be led away by the employee who escorted them in.

Kuroto’s new cell was just a short elevator ride to the basement. It looked like the place was mostly used for storage of old equipment and records, but at the back wall, the cage was hard to miss with it glowing like a Christmas display. With some research on Level 0’s nullifying effects, Genm was able to put together a way to restrain bugsters. He hadn’t entirely been paying attention to Kiriya’s lecture on how it worked, but something about running a current through cords at a certain frequency, blah, blah, blah, pseudo-science stuff he’d probably never have to learn how it worked since he only had so much brain space and he needed as much of it as possible to keep his schedule in order with the rest of it being used for gaming lore and strats.

The lights were strung up over a big metal frame in the shape of a cube, crisscrossing each other to create a pattern where they could still see Kuroto’s tablet set up on a little table inside, but in such a way that he couldn’t escape even if he got out of the tablet. And that’s exactly what he did when he saw them approach, teleporting out and stepping as close to the wires as he could with that smug little grin of his.

“Ah, Hojo Emu. What an interesting posse you’ve brought this time.”

Emu tried his best to hide his cringe. He really wanted to opt for the usual team of him, Hiiro, Taiga, and Poppy, but Hiiro had an appointment at the same time, and Poppy was mysteriously missing whenever Emu tried to look for her. She wasn’t normally flaky like this, but maybe she was genuinely busy. He guessed he couldn’t blame her for not wanting to come and deal with Kuroto this time since that was usually put on her or Kiriya until the LED restraints were figured out.

But yeah, Taiga, Charlie, and Parad wasn’t exactly the team he envisioned this going down with.

“Hey there, boss,” Charlie said in a sing-song tone, “Been a while since we’ve seen each other. How’s the protogashat fatigue doing? Still making it hard to work, or did that all go away when you became one of us?”

Everyone blinked at Charlie confusedly, but Kuroto just rolled his eyes and glared.

“What? He infected himself with me, of course I figured out weird facts about him. Harassing him is literally the only reason I came here.” Charlie crossed his arms petulantly.

Emu sighed, eyes drooping with emotional exhaustion as his lip pulled up slightly in a disgusted way. “Well, the rest of us are here to ask about Graphite.”

Kuroto’s brow quirked up the slightest bit in interest, and his glare at Charlie fading into a neutral look at Emu. “Oh? What about him?”

Emu fidgeted, mouth dropping open slowly as he took a deep inhale, knowing what needed to be said, but really not wanting to—

“Why the hell did you program Graphite to be able to fuck.” Taiga said bluntly.

Parad snorted and doubled over, very obviously trying to hide his laughter, he and Charlie grabbing onto each other for support as they stepped away to cackle.

Emu’s exasperation turned into a full-on grimace as Kuroto chuckled himself with a little shrug. Did he really not know either? Emu didn’t know what he would do if Kuroto had no solutions for this problem but he was sure it would be bad.

“Not everything goes according to God’s will. And Graphite has been one of the worst offenders of this. Perhaps that’s why he and Kujo Kiriya get along so well,” Kuroto sneered at Kiriya’s name, but his expression turned into a smirk as he focused on them again. “But his instincts are one of the few instances where he actually followed the exact code from the game. Perhaps, in it’s own way, his impulsiveness and personality are exactly to God’s plan because this is how I envisioned him despite his issues of obedience towards me.” Kuroto must’ve picked up on Emu’s exhausted expression and moved on, “I assume his pre-mating combat ritual has been a problem, yes?”

“Wait, how do you even know that? Has this been a thing for you before?” Taiga mumbled, and Parad suddenly appeared in both of their peripherals, making them jump.

“Well, not this exactly, but he’s definitely torn up the office more than once because something similar to an in-game trigger set him off. Sort of the reason why all the furniture in there is weird. Had to replace it more than once, yeah, shachou?”

Kuroto nodded, and suddenly it felt just like the times when they were working together, setting them even more on edge. Emu was certain Taiga could feel the exasperation radiating off him because he felt it rolling off in waves in a similar way from the man next to him.

“Fine. All that aside, yes, he’s been a _major_ problem lately.” Emu tried his best not to glare, and Kuroto’s smile grew even wider.

“Of course. What’s a dragon if they don’t get territorial over what’s theirs?”

The wording briefly brought Emu back to the documentary and he wondered exactly how much “research” Kuroto put into Drago Knight Hunter as he asked, “Is there anything that you can do about it? Or, I guess, anything you can tell us that will help with this issue.”

“Hmm, I wonder if there’s anything, indeed.” Kuroto tapped his chin mock-thoughtfully.

Taiga scoffed, “Of course this was a waste of time. He won’t do anything for us unless we let him out or something.”

As true as Emu knew that was, he still couldn’t help but hope that Kuroto would change his mind. He tried to turn on the desperate look he knew some people had fallen for, but he couldn’t think of a time where he tried it on Kuroto before. The other man met his eyes, a brow-raising confusedly as he deciphered Emu’s expression. His face softened for a moment, and Emu thought he might’ve actually gotten through, but his hopes were dashed as that conniving grin returned to Kuroto’s lips.

“If you’re really so desperate for a solution, then—”

“We’re done,” Taiga snapped, grabbing Emu by the collar and dragging him away, Parad following close behind. “We’ll figure this out on our own. Just like every other problem you’ve caused.”

As he was getting dragged away, Emu noticed Charlie lean in for one last insult that probably hit too deep with the way that Kuroto shoved his hands through the LED tubes to try and drag the sports bugster in with him. He wasn’t entirely sure, but he thought he heard ‘mom’ and completely understood the reaction. Charlie simply slapped his way out of Kuroto’s grasp, cackling as he ran to catch up with them.

Emu knew that was probably going to cause problems in the future, so he reluctantly mouthed an ‘I’m sorry,’ to Kuroto. It didn’t seem to calm him much, but Parad picked up on the observation through their bond and turned to Charlie, bending him down into a chokehold as they walked mumbling angrily at him as they continued to follow after Emu and Taiga.

Kuroto’s stormy expression cleared up as he watched, and Emu felt at least a little relieved that this wouldn’t leave on completely bad terms. Hopefully, that was enough so Kuroto wasn’t a complete pain on their next visit.

He thanked Parad for the foresight to put on an act with Char— oh. Now that he could actually hear what was being said, Parad was genuinely telling him off. Well, that worked too. Probably worked even better.

Unfortunately, they were still no closer to a solution and he hoped Nico was doing better.

* * *

“So, from the looks on your faces, I guess the whole thing with Genm was a bust?” Motorz asked as he entered the CR meeting room with Nico.

“Motorz? Did you go to talk with Kiriya, too?” Poppy asked, jumping up from her seat.

He rested his elbow on Nico’s head, “Nah, shrimpy and I met up as she was leaving—”

Nico’s fist shot out and caught Motorz in the side, making him collapse to the ground. “Oh, looks like I’m taller, now.” She shrugged innocently.

Everyone paid a silent F for Respects to Motorz as Nico got herself seated.

Emu dragged his hands down his face, “Please tell me you got some good news.”

Nico threw her feet up on the table, ignoring Hiiro’s glare, “Jeez, am I the _only_ one who can get stuff done here?”

“We’ve been waiting here for ages, how the hell does asking someone _one_ question take _five_ hours?” Taiga snapped.

“Important Genm business,” She waved him off, “Don’t worry about it. I got what we need, and the answer is ‘not yet, he’s been holding off on asking since Graphite seems all upset lately.’”

Emu groaned and buried his face into his arms on the desk. “So the exact opposite interpretation.”

He felt some awkward, but encouraging pats on his shoulder blade. Emu turned his head slightly, thinking it was Nico being sarcastic at first, but he realized the hand was way too big and clunky to be hers. He peeked out to see Salty, looking directly at Nico like he didn’t care, but still patting Emu as comfortingly as he could. He grinned up at the bugster slightly, not caring if he caught the expression or not, then slowly sat back up.

Nico looked like she wanted to say something else for a moment, a familiar little smirk on her face when she knew something everyone else didn’t, then shrugged off whatever thought she had, pretending to be as clueless as the rest. Well, with “everyone” in the room at a loss, Emu decided it was time to do the thing they probably should’ve started with.

“I think I’m going to try and talk to Graphite,” He said, nodding slightly to reassure himself more than anyone else.

Parad raised a skeptical eyebrow, and while it exasperated him to get shot down immediately after hyping himself up for this conversation, it also gave him an idea. One that Parad seemed much more confident in with the way a grin spread across his face.

* * *

The Director let Emu take some time off. He didn’t know what it was for, but he just sent Emu home, saying he was proud of how hard he’d been working lately with a smile. Emu didn’t feel like he was working hard since most of his time had been dedicated to figuring out the Graphite issue, but he’d take what he could get, he guessed.

Once he was at his apartment where no one could come and distract him, he sat on his couch and got comfy, closing his eyes and opening the bond with Parad. The next time he opened his eyes, he was staring at the door to the Genm roof and Parad’s thoughts answered his unasked question.

_‘If he’s not here, then I’ll try teleport to him, but I have a good feeling,’_

Emu could feel himself grimace, why not just do the frequency finding thing and go directly to where Graphite was?

_‘He’s been having a time, so I wanna give him some space. Finding him and approaching in this situation instead of teleporting is like knocking before entering the apartment.’_

Emu still didn’t like it, but Parad was the expert here, so he’d let him take the lead. Together, they opened the door and stepped out into the bright, midday sunlight. And just like Parad thought, Graphite was standing there at the edge, face turned up towards the sun. He really was a reptile, huh?

 _‘He just likes high places,’_ Parad’s thoughts provided.

 _‘He’s sunning himself,’_ Emu responded.

_‘Why would he need to do that? He’s a bugster. Plus he’s a dragon, they have internal fires, right?’_

To be fair, Emu wasn’t exactly sure how dragon anatomy worked, if they even needed to sun themselves, or if he was warm-blooded because of Parad’s ‘internal fires’ theory, or if any of that actually mattered to Graphite because he was a bugster. Well, apparently some of it did, otherwise, they wouldn’t be up here.

As Emu was lost in thought, Parad had already gotten Graphite’s attention and was finishing up their approach, sidling up next to him and giving him a big smile.

“Hey Graphite.”

Graphite nodded to him, “Parad.”

“Just wanted to ask you a couple things about what’s been going on lately.” Parad tried to look reassuring, but Emu wasn’t sure he conveyed the emotion properly since Graphite’s expression still seemed wary.

Graphite turned away and sighed sharply out of his nose, “I’ve been a problem lately, I know.”

Parad giggled and Emu was about to snap at him for poking fun, but Graphite seemed a little more at ease. “Hey, everyone else seems to think so, I’m just honored you came to me first and then you actually beat me. That means I’m the strongest, right?”

Graphite actually smiled and nodded at him, “Of course.”

“Ha! I knew it.” Parad did a little fist pump to himself then started asking about Kiriya, “So why are you— Ugh, Emu!” Parad flinched at the sudden push Emu gave him in their shared headspace.

Graphite blinked in surprise but they both ignored it for the moment in favor of interrogating each other.

_‘You’re gonna word it like that? And now he knows I’m listening in!’_

_‘It’s fine, I was gonna tell him sooner or later! And yes I’m gonna word it like that, you said you’d trust me!’_

“You didn’t explain it to any of them?” Graphite’s question brought them out of the internal fight, both of them blinking in surprise at him.

“I didn’t know it was a dragon thing at first. I thought you just wanted to spar like old times and were excited about having a whole bunch of new people to fight. I ended up figuring out the reasons, same time as everyone else. We were wondering though, uh... ‘why’ is simple enough...?” Graphite lowered his head, looking at the ground in thought and Emu nudged Parad, who huffed and reluctantly added. “Emu’s specifying that I should ask ‘why are you being so territorial over Kiriya?’”

The dragon’s head snapped back up at them and he glared, “Honestly? Is that what he thinks of me? That I just think of him as _property?_ ”

Emu flinched so hard at the look in Graphite’s eyes he jolted out of their shared headspace and nearly fell off the couch when he came back to himself. The last sensations he had were of Parad reaching out to try and calm Graphite down, and he realized he couldn’t just leave the bugster alone like that. Once his heart rate slowed he took a deep breath and went back in, coming back to a slightly calmer Graphite and a relieved but fighting back tears Parad.

_‘You just missed the biggest ‘do you know how much he means to me?’ speech I've heard from him.’_

Emu could sense the swell of pride Parad was feeling for how far Graphite had come in developing from his base programming. It felt like yesterday when he was just angry and wanting to fight, not really having a purpose outside of being a weapon in the Bugster Outbreaks, and— Emu gently tapped them back to attention so they could keep the conversation going.

“So um, yeah. He’ll try to be more careful about that in the future.” Parad scrubbed his arm warmer over his eyes then took a deep breath before continuing. “Is this the only way you can ask him out though?”

“How else would you suggest?”

“Gifts?”

“I already have.” Graphite narrowed his eyes at them.

“Ohhh, that’s what the gashapons were for. That’s sweet. What’d you get him?”

Graphite shrugged one shoulder, looking away almost embarrassedly, “It’s all weird stuff but stuff he likes. Buff animal figures, those Egypt chibis... Drago Knight keychains...” He mumbled the last part.

That explained the sudden explosion of figurines on Kiriya’s desk and what he mentioned before. But still, that was...

“He’s asking ‘wouldn’t it be better to use something from your host data to try and ask him?’” Parad said.

Graphite crossed his arms, meeting their eyes with an expression Emu would call a pout on anyone else, but somehow looked menacing on the dragon bugster.

“Look, I know my courting methods are troublesome but they’re _my_ choice. I don’t want to just do the same things Momose did because then it wouldn’t be genuinely from me. It’s how I want to impress him.”

Parad bit his lip, unsure how to respond and Emu was pretty stumped as well. But as he mulled Graphite’s words over, an idea slowly formed.

“‘Consider you don’t have to impress Kiriya?’” Parad accidentally asked out loud and Graphite tilted his head, but his eyes still narrowed at them.

He didn’t say anything, just glared curiously.

“‘Are there any other times in the relationship where he’s just... gone along with something or did something without prompting or you just asking?’”

“...Yes.” Graphite responded carefully, unsure of where they were going with this. Parad nodded encouragingly at Emu’s silent nudging, trying to get him to talk about examples, and Graphite sighed harshly. “He’ll... run his fingers through my hair or over my horns. Or lets me rest on his shoulder.”

Jeez, he was really stilted. Was he embarrassed about this or just wanting to be private since he knew Emu was listening in?

“Oh, I get it!” Parad bounced on his toes a bit, “Then consider that this next step in your relationship is one of those things, too. It’s something completely normal, so you should just treat it as something more casual like head pats or sleeping on him than this big deal, even if it seems that way.”

Graphite took a step back from them, jaw shifting as he processed and Emu fought back a sigh. Together with Parad, they closed the gap, placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, and said, “Think about it, okay?”

The dragon gave them a slight nod and the two of them watched him for a moment longer, then took their hand back and started heading towards the roof exit. Emu stuck with Parad until they were heading downstairs.

 _‘I hope that helped.’_ Emu felt like burying his face in his hands, starting to drift back into his own head.

 _‘I think it will,’_ Parad smiled, _‘I believe in him.’_

* * *

Emu didn’t hear anything else about the Graphite situation until almost a week after the Talk. Graphite’s reaction by the end was almost impossible to read and it made Emu’s stomach churn with anxiety, not knowing how he took it. And he pretty much disappeared from CR after that, presumably thinking things over in Kiriya’s apartment.

Sure, everyone went around gossiping, but it was never about any new information or (good) ideas on how to get Graphite and Kiriya to talk out the relationship problems one of them didn’t even know existed. They weren’t sure if they were imagining it or not, but everyone was certain they could feel the unresolved sexual tension around Graphite and gave him a wide berth just to be safe and not break the no-incident streak.

The breaking point came when everyone was lounging around CR.

They were all waiting for reports back from Genm on whether or not they’d be able to meet production and distribution requirements for the vaccines. CR didn’t have the resources or people to produce them on the large scale they’d need to get people protected from future bugster infections, even if most of them were chill, nowadays. There was always something, so it was better to be safe, but until they heard back, CR didn’t have much to do, either.

Graphite suddenly teleporting into CR put everyone on guard, changing the atmosphere from lazy and bored to high alert but desperately trying not to show their nervousness in front of him or Kiriya. Speaking of, he seemed to be blissfully unaware of the sudden atmosphere shift, continuing to watch some funny video Nico texted him even though they were seated right next to each other.

Taking advantage of her position, Nico elbowed him and whispered something in his ear. From where he was, sitting across from them, Emu thought he could make out something like ‘Your man’s here.’

Graphite walked over to him immediately and Kiriya’s smile turned to a concerned look. He stood to meet Graphite halfway, leaning in and tilting his ear up towards the other bugster’s mouth so he could whisper to him.

After a beat, Kiriya stepped back looking confused, “Here?”

Graphite shrugged, and Kiriya looked around at everyone in the meeting room. He took Graphite by the hand and started dragging him downstairs. They all tried to watch as subtly as possible, and once they were presumably out of earshot, the room burst out in excited chatter.

Emu didn’t let himself get caught up in it, trying and failing to restrain himself from going closer to the staircase to see if he could listen in.

Unfortunately, all the noise made it impossible to hear, and Emu had half a mind to tell them to all shut up, but Director Kagami in the corner of the room near the observation window caught his attention. Apparently, it caught Hiiro’s attention sooner, because he was already making his way over, asking “What are you doing?” then freezing when he saw whatever his father was watching.

Emu sprang out of his chair to follow, “Are they down there?”

Director Kagami flinched and hurried away, pressing himself into Poppy’s corner moments before the stampede of everyone else rushed over to press against the glass and take a look. And sure enough, now that his face was slammed against the glass, Emu could see both of them down there.

Kiriya was sitting on the edge of the patient bed, mostly facing them so they could see his reactions, and Graphite in the computer chair, back towards them so they had no idea what they were saying. Emu never wished he could read lips as much as now, but even with that ability, he wouldn’t be getting much since Kiriya’s side of the conversation seemed to mainly consist of listening intently and urging Graphite to continue.

As the pushing and shoving finally settled down, everyone tried their best to stay in this awkward formation. Just sixteen faces, all trying to push up against a tiny pane of glass. As everyone struggled to watch, Haima stayed in Poppy’s corner, quietly insisting to himself he was too old to be getting into huddles like that even if he was really curious, too. Bad for his back, Emu had to assume, feeling the strain in his own thighs and spine from holding his half-crouch to support the way Gatton decided to crawl onto him.

Their talk seemed to go on forever, and even if they were speaking loud enough for everyone to hear, Emu still wouldn't be able to make it out because apparently, it was impossible for this group to shut up. Little back and forth complaints of ‘You’re on my foot,’ ‘My back really hurts, guys,’ and ‘Charlie get off me I thought you weren’t interested in this at all,’ continued in harsh whispers or just plain old shouting as the show in front of them continued.

Just when Emu’s legs felt like they were about to give out, Kiriya slid off the patient bed and into Graphite’s lap. The dragon bugster almost turned their way but Kiriya’s hands came up to cup his face gently and bring him into a kiss. The meeting room filled up with shouting, exaggerated gagging, and groans of pain as the huddle finally broke apart and everyone scattered to finally get some space to themselves and celebrate the fact they wouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around Graphite anymore.

Emu himself just collapsed near the observation window as his legs gave out when Gatton jumped off him. Haima ended up fumbling his way over to take a peek through the window, then sighed with a relieved and satisfied grin on his face. He caught Emu’s eyes as he turned to leave and nodded to him once. Even with his back and legs aching, Emu felt comforted by the gesture. Things were going to be okay.

* * *

The next day, all of CR eyed Graphite warily as he walked in. But it seemed he wasn’t going to cause much trouble once he started lounging around on the couch. He looked much more relaxed, and the rest of the staff and bugsters weren’t going to give much more thought to the reasons why.

The rest of the morning carried on like it usually would until Kiriya and Nico walked in from their meeting at Genm. Everyone came to a screeching halt to stare. Nico’s expression was a mix of pride, amusement, and horror, and the reason why was clear as day on Kiriya’s skin. He, at least, had the decency to look a little embarrassed. But he mostly looked like his usual smug self.

“So, guess who forgot we had an important shareholders meeting today?” Nico rolled her eyes, trying to not even glance over at Kiriya.

“Hey, we got through it, so I’d say the last 12 hours have been a huge success,” he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Nico smacked him on the arm and Emu caught her saying something along the lines of “I don’t even wanna know” as they started giggling. But his focus immediately drifted to Graphite, trying to subtly glance over and saw him eyeing the dark marks all over Kiriya’s neck and the bit of his chest that was visible from the opening in his shirt with a faint, satisfied smile.

Emu sighed softly, mostly out of relief that Graphite wouldn’t be attacking everyone anymore and partially that Graphite was finally able to find some happiness for himself despite his weird instincts.

**Author's Note:**

> Netflix doesn't have Planet Earth 2 in my region so I did my best to recreate the Islands episode as I went lol.  
> Basically this whole fic was inspired by someone screen capping the Komodo dragon part where the subtitles say something like "only the strongest dragons get to mate" and said "Graphite fighting all of CR to impress Kiriya" or something XD  
> It's been awhile and sadly the convo has been lost to time so idk which friend to credit.
> 
> Also don't worry Graphite apologizes to everyone eventually lol
> 
> Thanks much for reading! I have a [writing Tumblr ](https://droppedalltheseoreos.tumblr.com/) if you'd like to drop by and say hi or something!


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